The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why? Paperback – January 1, 2013

I recommend this book to nearly everyone! So helpful!

When I first saw Gary Thomas' Book 'The Sacred Search' I sighed and thought, 'great, another over spiritualized book on dating and marriage--as if there are not enough of them already.' But knowing Thomas wrote a highly recommend book on Marriage (Sacred Marriage) I thought I would give it a try. Thomas captured me with the first chapter and he kept me fully engaged through out the book. What makes Thomas' book stand above the rest is his casual tone and brutal honesty. He is one of the first to present a very honest and clear picture of what dating and marriage entails. He even challenges the reader to think clearly about who they are before giving all of that up for someone else. It is a great book to read while single--so you can develop you thoughts about who you are and what you are honestly and realistically looking for in a mate--so you do not allow your thoughts to be swayed by your current relationship. Yet even if you find yourself in a relationship while reading this book Thomas includes discussion questions at the end of each chapter that would be great to honestly go over and discuss with your potential spouse. Finally Thomas won me over by discussing the ideas: marriage is about relational vision and that vision ought to be to seek first in all things the kingdom of heaven, that 'The One' does not exist, if you are still single and want to be married get off your butt and start dating because your spouse is not going to knock on your door some day and say 'I'm Here!', That just because you love someone does not mean that you should get married to them, and finally he was honest about sexual tension in a dating relationship and even admits that when a couple is about to get married and they are not struggling with sexual temptation that he fears for their marriage. He actually says at this point in the relationship you should have to use all the restraint you have to not have sex. He then concludes it is better to marry than to burn with passion. With these honest reflections and causal tone I cannot help but hold high respect for Thomas and what he accomplishes in this work. DO NOT GET MARRIED BEFORE READING THIS BOOK!

A very practical and realistic approach to the discussion of how Christian marriage should be sought after. The book addressed a lot of questions I had and I found the discussion questions at the end of every chapter very helpful and introspective. As someone who is a follower of Christ, single, and willing to honor God in every aspect of life including marriage (if it happens) yet lack a solid guidance, the book walked me through like a friendly, caring father figure I much needed. I personally find Christian marriage and dating quite puzzling as I grew up under parents who had very contrasting view on religion- mom almost a fundamentalistic Christian, dad an atheist. There wasn't much of an order back home and whenever trouble happened it was always mom who always pulled the family together. After I became a Christian, I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me of many things and my brokenness and wounds from my parents' distant marriage was one area God wanted to heal and renew within me. I'm learning to trust God in this and the book served as a great addition to my knowledge of how to prepare for this big covenantal relationship. One of the best things about this book is, the author doesn't shy away from talking about real issues pertaining to this area, such as sex and sexual desires. He addresses real, predictable problems that can easily occur in a relationship, and offers plethora of questions we should consider asking ourselves and our future partners before entering into a sealed deal. Although the book is about Christian dating/marriage, I like the fact that it actually isn't entirely about marriage. The author takes a topic that can easily become all about itself, and does a great job in bringing it back to God and building His kingdom first. A solid book, highly recommended to anyone who is just as lost as me when it comes to honoring God with romantic relationships :)

As I say with any book of Gary Thomas', he's written the best book I've read on several subjects, including this one.I was enriched by "Sacred Search" at the absolutely perfect season. I was mostly revived from the heartbreak of losing my first marriage and wondering whether it was possible to blunder less the second time around. While this book seems directed to young folks coming to marriage the first time, it helped me understand the mechanics of my first marriage's failure and what really mattered in finding a better match the second time around.Let me emphasize how important this book is, even if you're already married. My first marriage involved two very good people who sincerely wanted to do what God wanted. It ended in total frustration, with one person out of the faith and the other involuntarily dismissed. Had we had this template for understanding ourselves and each other, I would like to think we could have negotiated our challenges with understanding and greater acceptance.When you read through this with someone with whom you're getting serious (each with their own copy to mark up), it facilitates the conversation. It will not let you leave the hard questions unasked.Don't be put off by the somewhat unromantic tone with which the book begins (the outgrowth of his extensive counseling with troubled couples.) "Sacred Search" is very rich and inspiring. So much good counsel beyond marriage, too. "It's not just about what we do for God; it's about who we become in God. When I keep relating to God, I literally become a different person, so there's always someone new for my wife to get to know. The same is true for me with her" (p.175). So much information about laying a foundation for a marriage that stays fresh and vital.