In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People Paperback – April 1, 2010

Yes, it really is that good. I would no more send a soldier into battle without training in how to use his rifle, than I would send people into offices, bedrooms, or boardrooms without arming themselves with the knowledge this book provides.The book is divided into three parts: the first part describes a type of manipulative personality that the author labels "covert-aggressive." These people look and act normal from a distance, but over time in a relationship or an office setting they will lie to you, cheat you, drain you, and exploit you through tactics that are more subtle than an outright psychopath, such as "guilt-tripping", playing the victim role, changing the topic of discussion, counter-attacking, "brandishing anger", or feigning innocence. The middle part of the book is a series of case histories of manipulative people as intimidating bosses, exploitative marital partners, narcissistic parents, controlling children, or even power-hungry clergymen. These case histories are painless reads and help to enlighten the reader about how not to fall into traps or how to climb out after you've fallen in.The third part of the book focuses explicitly on tactics you can use to spot manipulative types early on and defend yourself against them. For example, dealing with manipulative people begins with the following principles (p.136): (1) be free of naive and potentially harmful misconceptions about human nature and behavior, (2) know how to correctly assess the character of others, (3) have high self awareness, especially about aspects of your own personality that increase your vulnerability to manipulation, (4) recognize, label, and counter the tactics of manipulation, and (5) avoid fighting losing battles. Each of these principles is explained in detail.I found this book, written by a clinical psychologist, far superior to another, popular book about "dealing with people you can't stand". The latter book, like many management- and workplace-oriented books, takes a sort of mamby-pamby position that everyone's good at heart, and different people merely have annoying interpersonal styles that we have to learn to live with. Simon takes a much more sobering position, namely, that there really are people out there with negative, toxic agendas, and you, as a decent, trusting soul, must learn how to defend yourself against them while preserving what is good and true within yourself.I recommend this book most highly, along with two others, for dealing with the toxic people in your life. The other two books are "Victory over verbal abuse" by Patricia Evans, and "Stop walking on eggshells", by Mason and Kreger. Everyone deserves to find love and respect and dignity in life and we all need to arm ourselves against those who would exploit, denigrate, or manipulate us for selfish and banal purposes.

This is my first book review and I had to write something….. This book by far has been more valuable than any self-help book I have ever read in my life! Unlike self-help books however, it doesn’t justify poor behavior, or jump on the low self-esteem or addiction band wagons… it simply explains a growing societal problem and its impact on building stable social relationships. If you are a person who constantly, worries or concerns themselves with the quality and quantity of your relationships and what you may or may not be doing wrong this book is for you. If you find yourself frequently on the receiving end of aggression, bullies, negativity, people that don’t understand NO, rudeness, or your kindness being mistaken for weakness this is the book for you. If you have any moral fabric, prescribe to any type of spiritual balance in your life, and get met with resistance at attempts to compromise this is the book for you! I could go on singing its praises but I will simply say read this book!This has to be the most well put, to the point, straight no chaser, quick succinct book on significantly character flawed persons and their behaviors. This book doesn’t blame, shame, or judge anyone. It clearly states something most people have always felt in their guts but ignored when dealing with certain people i.e. they are aware of what they are doing they simply don't care or don't care enough to behave diffrent.... this behavior is a well-known phenomenon in our society that has been growing over the past 20 years….the encouraging and dismissing of social deviance. The outcome from that trend is impaired or absent character/aggressive manipulative individuals who have chosen to operate as such in their day to day life. This book doesn’t just dump everyone in silos of black and white thinking or claim mental illness it gives you the extremes and every one in between! In most cases if you are a conscientious person and respect the rights of others, and expect the same in return there’s a good change you have been blindsided by quite a few of these individuals as family, friends, coworkers, or just as casual acquaintances. For the first time all the behaviors I have seen in my life that never made any sense to me why anyone would mistreat, behave poorly, callously, or inappropriately with very little remorse or concern for the impact on another made perfect sense after I read this book.The book even addressed in the final chapters how to "handle" these individuals very clearly….in short arm yourself with information and take the rose colored glasses off! The author gives clear ways to arm / become aware of “signs” of manipulative tactics. It’s no different than any other area in life….For example: If I want to be a better driver I learn defensive driving after regular drivers training principles so I’m more adept at how to handle the uncertainties on the highway. If I want to advance my education and job opportunities after high school I go to college or develop a trade that assists with my marketability…Same principles apply to human interactions.... Some of us were raised as and continue to raise children with morals but as we grow we can develop ways of interacting that make us basically “marks” for manipulative people.Manipulative people have chosen to relate in a destructive manner period…and if you are unable to “adapt” and become aware of their existence then you will suffer from the inevitable skid marks in life when they run you over and throw you under the bus instead of learning to get out their way when they come down the street.Now I’m not saying this book says to always “avoid” people like this. This book gives many examples of people adapting but mostly they are close family relationships with destructive manipulative individuals. I’m only assuming most of these cases did not "desire" to separate from these individuals. But if you are like me a single person wondering why limit setting and boundaries and all the other psychobabble we are taught to say and to do is ineffective and useless on some people who we try to maintain relationships or friendships with, well then, this book will make everything more clear. I will admit you may find as I did that you may have adapted some unhealthy or manipulative ways of interacting as well do to exposure to these persons. So if you want to fully benefit from this book have a willingness to focus on your own boundaries and behaviors because manipulative people are the same with EVERYBODY not just so called "nice folks" but nice folks get the most abuse because we refuse to accept what we see before us.