Kings of the Wyld (Band) Paperback – 21 Feb. 2017

THE GOOD: Larger than life heroes kicking ass and (re)taking their names as the greatest mercenary band to tour the Wyld; more monsters than a Dungeons & Dragons careers’ fair; a high stakes adventure of friends, fiends and mess ups; more heavy hitting battles than a greatest hits collection; and a hall of fame page-turning performance to make the Bat Outta Hell sit back, buckle up, and hold on for the god-damned ride of its life.THE BAD: It had to end? Seriously, I have one hell of a book hangover after this. Though, and in favour of fairness, if I had to (nit) pick a downside to this cracking debut, it’d be elements of info dumping early on – but don’t let that stop you reading this story, as I’ll explain why it didn’t bother me below in the main review.THE UGLY TRUTH: Good old-fashioned fantasy heroes, the loud, the proud, and never to be cowed, knocking back whiskies in a sticky-floored, dim-lit dive bar, moshing with every monster known to Dungeons & Dragons; all whilst Terry Pratchett hosts a lock-in of Rock-n-Roll tribute bands belting out ear melting hits better than the original act ever did on stage, because they’re doing it for the love of the music, and they love what they do. But if I had to sum Kings of the Wyld in one sentence: They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.Saga was once the greatest mercenary band to tour the Heartwyld. Golden Gabe the charismatic frontman, Clay ‘Slowhand’ Cooper the ever-reliable warrior, Moog the magnificent wizard, Matrick Skulldrummer the loveable rogue, and Ganelon the killer. But every star fades with time, and the five members of the band have retired. Since there last circuit, everything has changed. The world’s a new place, and Saga and its members are memories of the old ways, the way things used to be – which provides ample opportunity for plot twists, world building, and of course, madness and mayhem, in this rip-roaring rock’n’roll headbanger from debut author Nicholas Eames.The action comes thick and fast, but so too does the humour. Not to point out every ‘funny’ as film trailers seem to these days (which would be impossible, as there’s so many in this book) but particular highlights for me include: Steve the doorknocker, Kit the unkillable, a staff that turns swords into something else, a kobold’s cock ring (even if only a mention, but my god, what the fu-?), and the melee involving combatants wielding a hammer, a shield and 3 raging erections. As mad as it sounds, it makes perfect sense. Some might even turn their nose up at that last particular mention, citing immaturity or toilet humour, but it’s not. KotW is mature, its grown up, but it’s still got that energy of a garage band breaking out onto the scene.For me, KotW nails one theme above all others, which might go unnoticed by some, like the low range rhythm of the bass guitar during: the solo by the lead, or the drummer’s breakdown, or the vocal’s pitch at the finale; but like that same bass rhythm this theme runs start to finish, unending and unerring. And that theme is companionship. Speaking from personal experience, both having played in bands, and as a soldier in a section(/squad), there’s a certain familiar magic between the comrades in arms, and Eames casts a spell with it in the interactions between Saga’s members.One of the main concepts, the whole fantasy meets classic rock, doesn’t get old. It works, and it works so well that you don’t question it. As a matter of fact, unless it’s pointed out to you at the start, you’re not slapped about the head with it. Suddenly, as you read, you’ll have a eureka moment of ‘oh, I see what Eames has done here!’ Its’ brilliance lies in its simplicity, and the fact that it’s interwoven throughout the story, the characters, the world itself. Without spoiling anything, here’s a few examples:Characters:• Clay ‘Slowhand’ Cooper holds the (bass)line of the band (Saga) and the very story itself. A stoic warrior of old, armed with his fabled shield Blackheart and whatever comes to hand, Clay reminded me of Steven Erikson’s Fiddler, but with more heart, and Joe Abercrombie’s Logen Ninefingers, but with more hope. He’s a good man, not afraid to do the bad thing, if it means the difference between right and wrong.• Gabriel ‘Golden Gabe’ is the charismatic frontman, the cover boy, and the voice (lead singer) of Saga. From the washed-up waste-of-space at the start of the book, to his return to the golden age by the end, his personal quest to save his daughter might be the goal, but his journey of self rediscovery is what gets him there.• Arcandius Moog the mystical, maniacal, and above all moving keyboard player. A pyjama wearing wizard who supports his own life’s pursuit to cure ‘the rot’ (which claimed the life of his dearly loved husband) by selling Magic Moog’s Phallic Phyllactery. Read that again. Yes, you read it correctly. Moog sells a male performance enhancer that’ll turn you from ‘zero to hero’. I kid you not, you can’t make this shit up…and Eames has, which is testament to his creativity and innovation.• Matrick Skulldrummer, the party’s ‘lively’ rogue with a penchant for drink, takes the role of drummer (it’s in the name) armed with his twin knives Roxy and Grace. He and Moog provide much of Saga’s comic relief, as well as one of its most heartfelt moments. Like all of them, Matty was at his peak in his yester year, when he saved the Princess of Agria and swiftly bedded his way to kingship. Now, he’s all but captive in his own kingdom, and only Saga can give him a way out.• Ganelon the axeman. Big, bold and badass, he shreds his foes both as part of the band, or ‘solo’. Lead guitarist if you hadn’t guessed it. We’re not properly introduced to him until a little later on in the story, but when he arrives on stage he’s greeted by raucous applause, not in the least because he all but singlehandedly takes on one of the most fearsome monsters that the Wyld has to throw at Saga.The World:• Mercenary groups/parties are known as ‘bands’. Almost everyone with a sword, shield, spear, or a stone/stick/scrap of ambition wants to be in a ‘band’.• The ‘bands’ score ‘gigs’ via ‘bookers’ who manage their careers.• These ‘gigs’ for the most part take them on ‘tours’ of the Heartwyld.• The ‘bands’ are welcomed by parades of screaming fans when they return from their ‘tours’.Speaking of world building, I’d like to take a moment to discuss my one and only problem with KotW. And it’s not the world itself – hell no, Eames has absolutely smashed it with this; I for one normally turn-off to fantasy realms populated with goblins, orcs, slimes, owlbears, giants, wyverns, and every other usual host you’d expect to see in a DnD manual or one of the many B-grade straight-to-DVD-bargain-bucket movies. But not so with KotW, as Eames breathes new life into the old foes and fiends, either through reimagining or realism. That being said, I’ve strayed from the point – my one problem with KotW and its worldbuilding, is, at times, the execution of introducing the reader to the world. I’m talking info-dumps.The info dumps are few and far between (and by a third of the way in I didn’t spot any more), and they’re actually pretty good as far as info dumps go, but once I read one, I can’t help but notice others. In a way, that’s a symptom of me as a reader and aspiring writer – it’s been hammered into me so many times that ‘info dumping is bad;’ ‘don’t info dump;’ or my personal favourite, shout out to 2 Unlimited: ‘no no; no no no no; no no there’s no limit (except on info dumps)’. In a way, info dumping stems from, or feeds into, or goes hand in hand, with the old ‘show vs tell’ debate/debacle.But why don’t I take umbrage with these info dumps? Besides the fact that the info dumps are used to introduce us to a vast and richly populated world (including religion, history, politics to a lesser extent, and biology too – monsters!), I’m also dismissing my nit picking (and this is what I’m doing – in the grand scheme, this book is just that good) due to context. Context, yes. Because I know, from having spoken to the author, that KotW evolved over the stage of its life. Its ‘growth’ is fascinating, especially for an industry outsider looking in. It went a little something like this:• First draft 114,000 words.• Beta reading feedback pushed this up to 117,000 words.• Agent amendments cut it back to 102,000 words.• Publishing house picks-out and chops backstory excerpt chapters, opting to have them sprinkled throughout, cutting it down to almost 90,000 words.• Additional additions/editorial edits pushed this all the way back up to 150,000 words.So why the uplift right at the end? From what I understand, when Eames secured his book deal with the publisher, he ended up adding whopping 50k words (almost a third of the original’s length). Why though? The pacing of the first draft was pretty breakneck, but also barebones – and by adding to the wordcount Eames had the opportunity to: a) flesh out his scenes a little more, and b) world build, world build, world build. Needless to say, Eames wasted neither opportunity, and the scenes are all the more gritty, emotional, and real because of it, and the world…well, it’s a world¸ a living breathing world, and that’s praise enough itself.And in my opinion, every single word is bloody brilliant.Despite my misgivings of the info dumping, looking back, I couldn’t give a damn about it anymore. Every word brought this world to life; every word a charge in a synapse, a beat of a heart. And without them, this book would be just that – a book. Instead, it’s very, very real – or at least I wished it was!Kings of the Wyld is one of those books that could easily transcend the written word, and easily be a summer blockbuster, a TV series (Netflix, I’m looking at you!), or a video game (Dragon Age style or MMORPG springs to mind). I mean, it’s already got its own soundtrack!It kills me that I can’t give this book a 10 out of 10. Why? Because Eames cranked it all the way to 11. So, you know what? 11 out of 10. As the saying goes:They don’t make ‘em like they used to.But Eames did. And he made it better.

The humour flows as freely and as often as the blood and gore. If Lord Of The Rings were written by Joe Abercrombie, this is something like the potential result. Sorry, I can't think of any higher praise than that. I'm ordering book #2 in the series NOW! If you like Abercrombie-style fantasy, you'll LOVE Kings of the Wylde.

I read this book 2 years ago and I am still telling people how awesome it is, it's a great book.The story goes the "band" is old and retired and off living a settled life but someone needs help, needs rescuing. So the band get together 1 last time and try do things the way they used to.But its been more than 10 years.Read it, it's awesome!

Kings of the Wyld could be described as the genetically engineered offspring of the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, David Gemmell novels (Winter Warriors springs to mind), and the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual.A quick note: If you are offended by the frequent use of the "F" word and similar, this book is not for you. It comes up a lot in character dialogue. Considering the setting and characters, it does not feel excessive.Kings of the Wyld presses my buttons on many levels. Let me start by saying I'm 47 and a portion of my youth was spent playing and "dungeon mastering" the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons. I have a few minor aches and pains, and I'll never fit in those clothes I wore as a teenager again. This is relevant because...Kings of the Wyld is about a band (Dungeons and Dragons style adventuring party) of middle-aged overweight and often drunk ex-mercenaries that emerge from what passes as normal retirement to get the band back together.Their mission - rescue their frontman Gabriel's daughter from inevitable evisceration by almost the entire contents of the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual besieging the city of Castia where she is trapped.The monstrous ensemble is called the Heartwyld Horde led by the sympathetically tragic Lastleaf - a Druin who seems to be a bit like an elf except with bunny ears. And he rides a Wyvern. I should point out here that this book does not take itself at all seriously except for a few genuinely poignant moments (wipes tear from eye at the memory of the closing scenes). This book has given me so many laughs!Who are the band?The hero of this tale is Clay whose inner monster was tamed by a loving wife and a darling daughter. He has long since hung up Blackheart – a wooden shield made out of a Treant – and retired. Then Gabriel comes calling.Gabriel – divorced father of the damsel in distress and would be wielder of a potent magic sword except that he sold it to the cad now married to his ex-wife.Then there is the wizard Moog who mourns the loss of his husband to the incurable “rot” disease from which he also suffers. One of the hazards of wandering the Heartwyld. He makes a living as an alchemist selling “Phylactery” which is best described as Viagra in gaseous form. And he lives in a tower that is almost exactly the same shape as a “thingy.” If you wonder what I mean by “thingy” just go back to that Viagra reference and I’m sure you’ll get it. The knocker on the door to his tower is a particularly amusing character named Steve who struggles to speak due to the brass ring in his mouth... and I thought I was cool having a brass dolphin on my front door.Matrick is the band's drummer, sorry, knife-wielding warrior thief that somehow became King. The Queen has managed to produce 5 heirs to the throne, none of them fathered by Matrick himself and, oh yes, the Queen wants him dead. Extracting him from his former life to reform the band is trickier than you might think…Lastly, there is Ganelon who is remarkably forgiving of the fact his former bandmates left him in a quarry turned to stone by a Basilisk for 20 years.Other characters help and hinder them on the way, and I shall always remember the Ettin, Dane and Gregor with fondness. (An Ettin is a two-headed giant in case you’re wondering).After suffering the indignity of being robbed by a band of girls named the Silk Arrows (twice!), the band’s expedition takes them through the Heartwyld that is still remarkably full of trouble considering so many of its denizens surround Castia for the whole story. The trip is complicated by the fact Matrick’s wife (the Queen) hired a bounty hunter to assassinate him. Is the bounty hunter a shadowy figure in a hooded cloak? Bobba Fett's twin brother? Nope. A bad-ass Daeva - false god nightmare of a winged woman with her own band of red-robed monks held in her thrall all riding in a skyship!This story is chock full of humour, monsters, magic and magical weaponry, more monsters and touching moments. And touching moments with monsters (some of them wielding magical weaponry). If you’ve ever wished you could read a story with a wondrous variety of monsters all doing their worst, Kings of the Wyld is like a bowl of every flavour ice cream with a chocolate flake stuck in it plus syrup and those little coloured sugar tubes on top (I know them as hundreds and thousands). There are probably some marshmallows jammed in there somewhere too. Pure indulgence.Of course, none of this would be worth our reading time or the 5th star if it were not woven into a compelling story. Make no mistake; this is not a regurgitated video or role-playing game. As a student of story craft myself, I know a well-structured story when I read one, and they are not found in the fantasy genre often enough. Nicholas Eames knows his stuff – the story twists, turns and pinches in all the places it must to cast its spell over any fantasy fan even if they never played Dungeons and Dragons. It's been a very long time since I last enjoyed reading a book this much. Count me in for the sequels.If all this were not enough, Kings of the Wyld asks one of life’s most compelling questions. The answer to which the wizard Moog and every child under the age of 8 already knows…Do owlbears actually exist?