Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We>Me Paperback – May 1, 2018

I don't remember when I first discovered Debra Fileta, but she is my soul sister. Debra is a self-proclaimed realist, which is why I like her approach so much. She is the author of the site, True Love Dates. She does not beat around the bush with her relationship advice.I signed up to be on the book's Launch team, but I was quickly reminded I should not plan to do anything at the end of the school year - oops - my bad! So sorry, Debra. Better late than never, right?!I am a slow reader, but I wanted to make sure I was taking the time to gain the wisdom and knowledge Debra was sharing with singles and couples alike about relationships. Each chapter ended with reflection questions for singles and couples.Now to get to why you all should grab a copy from Amazon or your local bookstore - it is AWESOME. Worth it. I like to read relationship books because I am far from perfect and like to hear what others have to say on the subject."A good marriage comes from a series of decisions over an extended period of time, with the commitment of two people choosing to love each other no matter what my come their way" (23). I wish people could understand this concept - and I am saying this as a single person. Even though I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of marriages around me, it still remains a life goal to be a wife and mother. I believe it is worth it and reading this book has given me hope that it is possible to have a good marriage. I will never truly understand marriage until I am married because "[y]ou can't experience real love with a person until you've experienced the entirety of a person - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful" (101).In this book, Debra addresses communication barriers, boundaries, and learning about good sex within marriage. She shares personal stories as well as stories from those she counseled.Debra is a straight-shooter when she states, "Seek accountability.... Get a tight rein on your thought life! Stop feeding your mind entertainment that will pollute it with lust.... [I]f you don't have a community, it's time to turn off Netflix, get off social media, and start investing in real-life relationships with godly people" (175). Ouch. That applies to singles and couples alike.Debra's last chapter called "The Beautiful Exchange" could be a book itself, comparing the seasons of a year to seasons in marriage. I guess it is how you view each natural season how you would compare it to marriage, but it's a challenge to think deeper about the ebb and flow of life seasons."Marry someone who will make you better" (184).

This book is incredible! Debra's insights as a counselor are unlike anything I have ever read and will change my relationships forever. The survey results from 1000 singles/1000 couples were really eye opening, but more importantly she presented solutions and offered hope in many areas: dealing with unmet expectations, how to be authentic, how to protect your marriage, dealing with conflict, issues with sex, how to truly become "one", and many more.Many relationship books are about a couples' journey or their advice that worked for them, Debra is unique in that your are getting perspective from a licensed counselor and relationship expert who has worked with countless clients! Her wisdom shines through and her approach to a number of subjects are so unique, refreshing, and inspiring. She does a masterful job of approaching relationships with her clinical wisdom, but rooted in her deep love for Jesus. I wish someone would have told or taught me countless things in this book years ago.I loved reading her stories of couples and singles she worked with, many real-life examples made the book very connectable and authentic. My favorite chapters were Alter that Ego, From Pride to Humility (where you actually learn what a proper apology should look like in a relationship and the power of humility in a relationship); Sex Marks the Spot, From Infatuation to Adoration (amazing chapter about navigating sex and dealing with problem spots); and Walls Will Fall, From Vulnerability to Intimacy (If you are single, READ this book to get a front row seat into what marriage will look like and more importantly the qualities you should be looking for in your future spouse!if you are dating/engaged READ this book to learn more about your relationship, future areas and topics you need to discuss and more importantly how to handle them.if you are married (whether for a year or 50 yrs) READ this book to transform your marriage, Debra will equip you with the tools to deal with issues you may be struggling with and even more how to identity them.I walked away from this book so encouraged and filled with hope as I got a glimpse of what God's best in relationship should look like.

I had the privilege of reading Choosing Marriage for a review and it did not disappoint. Please do not let the title fool you, this book is not just for married couples or just for singles, it is for everyone There is so much wisdom and insight in this book, I honestly could read it more than once and get something out of it every time.As a single woman, I appreciate a book that shows marriage for what it is. Marriage is beautiful and but it is also hard work. I think my generation has been jaded from Holly wood, that you meet the "right" person, fall in love, have kids and everything is peachy. However, if your marriage is not how you dreamed it would be then, it's OK to fall out of love and move on to next pretty face that makes you happy. Debra does a good job of debunking this myth and helping singles and married couple clear out the cob webs of what society has taught us. "Marriage is a blessing, but it doesn't happen by chance. A good marriage comes from a decision of choices."In her book, she will point you straight to Jesus and remind us that no one can fulfill us but Him. One of my favorite quotes (and I have many favorites)from the book is "Marriage can't fulfill us to overflowing, only Jesus can. If anything marriage reveals our emptiness. It can certainly add drops of water to our emotional bucket, but it can never fill us the way we need to be filled."I highly recommend this book and also Debra's book True loves dates. I hope this book encourages you, just like it encouraged me to choose marriage.