Will it receive satellite TV stations?

Not sure about your question. This is a clothe umbrella so it should not block radiated electrical energy. As such, it will not act like a parabolic antenna to receive radiated electrical energy. Think of it like you are wearing a sombrero, only its water proof. Hope this help

do you look like a looser if you wear this?

no, it looks like a large umbrella

Is this a real product? Looks like a gag gift like you used to find at Spencer Gifts lol.

No, this is a real umbrella. It covers well. But not well in small spaces.

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Specifications

Item Package Dimensions L x W x H	15.39 x 2.87 x 1.3 inches
Package Weight	0.1 Kilograms
Item Dimensions LxWxH	5 x 5 x 0.7 inches
Item Weight	0.1 Kilograms
Brand Name	Hunter's Tail
Warranty Description	a umbrella cap
Model Name	Modern
Color	Dark Blue
Material	Nylon
Suggested Users	unisex-adult
Manufacturer	Hunter's Tail
Part Number	742939344458
Style	Modern
Included Components	a umbrella cap
Size	65cm Blue
Handle Material	Plastic