Undefended Love

Undefended Love is a rare and wonderful book. It speaks with timeless wisdom about the nature of our true self, and of how we relate to ourselves, our lives and our loved ones. This book can free you and enhance you - providing a deeper and compassionate understanding of the reactive and compensating patterns we all develop to protect ourselves. It is these very patterns that so often cause us to contract in our lives and in our relationships, and that cost us the full experience of feeling open, safe, and connected to life and others. With a wonderfully balanced mix of concepts, examples and solutions, the authors take us on a journey into our deepest selves - into both our timeless essence and into our deepest and most fiercely protected fears. They then lovingly illuminate the path beyond those fears into greater wholeness, peace and open-heartedness. This is a book about true strength - the strength to face and fully experience those parts of ourselves which we so often deny and turn away from, the strength to be open and experience ourselves and others absent our usual constricting defenses. It is so often the same walls we think protect us that deny us the full experience of the wonder of our own life and of connecting with others. This book is one of the most elegant maps of the territory beyond such defenses that I have ever encountered - a place of texture, nuance and richness that most people believe is reserved for just a few special moments in their lives. I have read many books on psychology, conditioning, communication, relationship and the like. Very few have touched me as deeply as this one. Do yourself a true favor and read this book. It will enrich your life.

This is one of the most profound, deep, and powerful books I have ever read. There aren't many books out there like this. Many of the self-help books seem to only scratch the surface. This book requires much more if its readers. And it is RADICAL!! REVOLUTIONARY!! This book has totally changed my perspective about the goal and purpose of relationships. All my life, I sought people who could meet my core needs. Finding someone who could love me unconditionally and who could give me what I needed: I thought that was the ultimate goal and point of a relationship. The authors suggest otherwise. Closeness, reciprocity, and getting needs met are not the purpose of relationship. The point of relationships is to mirror back our cracked identities so that we can heal and reconnect with our essence, our own core. This seems counterintuitive: that relationships are suppose to agitate us, to reveal our "broken toes." But if I really take in what they're saying and do this work of excavation, what I'm realizing is that I have the capacity to meet my own needs, to give myself what I've been searching for in others. There is a whole lot of unlearning and relearning. And I'm still trying to wrap my head around this new definition of relationship because it is antithetical to everything that our society teaches us about the purpose and goal of relationships. Another reason why this book is revolutionary is because doing this work DEMANDS an excavation of pain and fear. According to the authors, pain and fear (or any "negative" reaction, for that matter) become the doorway to freedom, wholeness, and affirmation. Again, it all seems counterintuitive because we've been taught to run away from "negative" feelings. But the authors argue otherwise, claiming that we must embrace those feelings--that in that pain, in that fear, resides our liberation, which is why this work is so radical. And which is why this work is so hard and scary. But I'm ready to jump into the Black Hole with both feet because I know doing so is the path to my own liberation.

As I am writing a book on relationship and have a relationship myself that needs evolving, I have not only read but carefully studied the majority of the most important English speaking teachers of relationship in our time. Among the very impressive giants of the field, I found Marlena Lyons and Jett Psaris to be the most helpful. They are extremely thorough and clear in telling you why you need to take responsibility for your reactions to your partner whether or not their behavior is a problem in itself (not just that you do) and how to do it at the deepest core level possible. They go beyond telling you what it means to treat your partner in a conscious way and the importance of knowing yourself and validating yourself, rather than seeking to get that from your partner, to telling you what you need to do and how to do it to actually achieve that holy grail. The book explains a concept, gives you guided self inquiry questions that enable you to identify where you are in relationship to the concept, and then gives exercises that enable you to do the work of understanding and healing yourself. As the process unfolds through the course of the book, you learn the skills to heal yourself and your relationship, one layer after another. The interplay of the writers beautiful languaging skills and the depth of their perceptions means that this book is peppered with memorable, quotable quotes on most pages. My book is underlined all over the place. It is deep book without being a difficult read. I couldn't put it down. I was mesmerized and read it over a couple of days. In the middle of the book I looked up the authors web-site and signed up for their next workshop. That's how powerful it was for me. Undefended Love is a very helpful book for both therapists working with relationships and for people seeking to save and heal their relationships. It is also an immensely helpful book for people seeking either to use their relationships to heal themselves and or take their relationship from an emotionally healthy place to a really exciting transformative place. For those who wish to take that journey of spiritual partnership into conscious living, conscious relating, this is an amazing guidebook. It is also an excellent book for anyone who is not in a relationship who wants to heal their deep childhood wounds and free themselves of their conditioning. Esther Perlis, in her book Mating in Captivity, speaks of the need to bring mystery,the unknown and uncertainty into relationships in order to keep the passion alive. Undefended Love tells the most fundamental way to do this. I am now telling people that if they can only read one book on relationship to read Undefended Love. Anastas Harris, Ph.D.

My partner and I have been together for 3 years, at this point, and I was seeking guidance from a counselor that suggested this book for each of us to read... getting our own copies, so that we can read at our own pace. My partner is not much of a reader, but he got into this book and continued to read. The insights from the authors Psaris and Lyons are brilliantly portrayed in thoughtful and caring ways. Offering ways to communicate though sharing and listening styles and techniques. The case studies that were shared throughout the book also were a great help and I saw our relationship within the first few pages... helping me to realize that we are not alone and not that much different than so many other relationships. Easy to read and understand. Good for all types of relationships, not just romantic. Gay, straight and all others will find at least one or two insights through this book... I personally found many and hope you do too. This is one I keep on my bedside table and take with me when I go out, reading when I have time between teaching classes or waiting for meetings. "The way that you felt about yourself when you first fell in love is the way you can feel all the time." - Psaris and Lyons

wunderbares buch, The Undefended Love: What to Do and Why , indem auf schöne weise die vorgestellte intimität von der wahren intimität unterschieden wird. gute antworten und richtungsweisende fragen, wo ich den eigentlich stehe, mit dem was ich mir wirklich wünsche von der liebe, von meinem gegenüber.

This book is really well structured, there’s no waffle and it gives you all the info you need. It’s really useful for anyone who wants to attract or change their relationship to be authentic, intimate and honest.

This book completely changed my view on any and all of my relationships and is an absolute must read in your lifetime for anyone and everyone. If you read it and aren't open to it yet, try again later on, I promise you it's worth it.

Great book - fast delivery