Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married Paperback – September 1, 2010

Interesting book. It's perhaps a little simplistic and obvious, but then again it's often the obvious things that we fail to notice or take for granted. This is a good book to keep around as a "refresher". I'd recommend re-reading it every few months or so. I think the overarching theme that Chapman wishes to stress is that almost all aspects of a marriage should be planned well *before* the marriage ever takes place.How many kids do you want? By when? How often do you plan to visit family? Are you going to raise your children to have the same values that you have, or are you going to let them decide for themselves (hopefully the latter)? What religion are you, and what does it require? Do you donate some of your income each month? Do you prioritize your siblings or your parents over your partner? Do you have a low or high sex drive? Do you think you can adapt if it changes over time? Do you agree on political issues or are you okay with the disagreements? Do you feel loved in the same way? Can you show someone you love them in a way different than you feel loved? And so on... the book covers a lot.I'm starting to get the impression that the vast majority of divorces occur because people misinterpret the evolutionarily useful (yet romantically deceiving) slurry of neurotransmitters in their brain as "true love". Call it what you like -- personal chemistry, honeymoon phase, tingles, butterflies, passion -- yawn. None of that holds a marriage together, and when that feeling disappears (as it always inevitably does; Chapman indicates this typically occurs around the two year mark), each spouse becomes disillusioned and feels like they've married a stranger -- one who disagrees with them on almost everything.In a lot of ways, I relate closely to the author's kind of thinking -- both his thought process and the way he perceives the world. It's interesting to see how he has overcome his personal relationship difficulties, and for me personally, I think knowing how he eventually fixed his issues can help me prevent my own from ever occurring in the first place.

This book is very useful to prepare people for marriage and I would recommend it for teens (even if they're not in a relationship), engaged couples, and even those already married since this provides realistic information about love and that not everything in a relationship is easy. It also helps people understand and attempt to loosely preset chores around the house and understand what to do with the extra money earned that isn't needed for bills. While I was already aware and have read about the 5 love languages, that is only briefly covered in one chapter while the rest provides other information so if you already read the 5 Love Languages book understand that there is a lot more involved in this book than that concept.The concept that I want to highlight in this book that I haven't read about before was the 5 Different Ways to Apologize. Increasingly, I think people need to be aware that what we consider to be a 'sincere apology' isn't necessarily the same as everyone else's though there are 5 of them that are fairly common. I was surprised when I found what I thought to be a sincere apology was listed word-for-word! This concept alone can be applied to anyone you socialize with and I especially recommend this piece if you are having apology problems between your friend, significant other, coworkers, and/or boss.Teens and those single will be able to learn a lot from this book, especially to realize that people, on average, are no longer "falling in love" within two years of the relationship and I think this would help them understand that relationships take a lot of work even when it's not convenient for you. Giving them an understanding of how to be flexible when apologizing and to know that people feel loved according to different love languages will make them more aware of how to improve their friendships and relationships in the future. Finally, there is reinforcement in being willing to do chores even if they're not popular and generally establishing healthy spending habits.I personally found this book to be thrilling and Gary Chapman successfully backs up some of his findings with Psychological research and definitions. I loved it so much that I read it in one sitting and now I'm getting my teen friends and budding couples into reading it. Awesome book; give it a try if you haven't already! (: