You Are the One You've Been Waiting For (Internal Family Systems)

By far the best modality for therapy and self understanding I've ever ready.Surpasses attachment theory with removing the attachment to an external person and attaching to your internal self or Self.The Magic Kitchen metaphor was amazing and so helpful to me.The description of controllers who end up sabotaging relationships by trying to make the partner into the needed savior was spot on. Perfect.And the furthering of Gottmans theory as well where he says we can't just learn how to fight fairly- we have to heal our own inner painful areas and parts before the controllers will stop trying to change the external mate.and until then we will continue to trigger each other.So enlightening.I wish he'd highlight more of the importance of the guidance of spirit or God or higher power when we're working in those dark dungeons- I guarantee protectors won't trust us to make real healing happen on our own.Why would they? we've failed at it for decades.One man for example took his child's shame and threw it over the horizon and it came back a sapphire.um a little hokey and definitely new age-y.My internal skeptics will never buy into that kind of 'treatment'.But a spirit led, imago dei, higher power, guardian angel facilitated transformation...that I can believe in.I heard an interview with Dick recently talking about this book and I was disappointed that he had forgotten the crucial metaphor of the book- the magic kitchen.I've been the guy who had the children in that magic kitchen who were starving, and found the candy lady.but the metaphor leaves out that once the candy lady is attached to then powerful controllers come out and grasp on her with powerful pincers and try to change her into what it wants- its a brutal attempted manipulation of another creature.That said creature would eventually get sick of that manipulation and fight back and eventually leave is no surprise at all.Unfortunately surprising the starved child/ controller and striking fear in his heart. Panic even.I found the gender usage a bit too often tilted towards the women being the anxiously attached and the man being the avoidant one.VERY often the man is anxiously attached. That's a societal mislabeling.Anyway. Loved the book. and I think he's also from Oak Park Illinois so all the better.

The author extends Gottman's observations about relationships and attempts to plug a few missing holes. It has been a useful perspective on my own relationship and I wish I had it before my previous divorce.The author uses a lot of jargon throughout the book, and I found it difficult to absorb given my learning style. I had to become comfortable with getting the gist.

The book came as described in good condition.The actual book is a good read and easy follow. Definitely focused more on relationships

Very simple yet comprehensive description and application of a complex topic. I received a lot of personal value from reading it. Not a quick fix book, but for those seeking true relationship success and personal fulfillment, this is a valuable resource.

This is the best book I have ever purchased and I've bought a lot of books! I even paid $90 for my copy and feel that it was worth every, single penny. (However, I found it on the authors website for $25 after my purchase). Even after years of on and off therapy, no therapist ever clearly explained to me the significant impact that my painful childhood was having on my life. We all know that we have wounds but never has anyone explained it like this and then teach you what to do to really heal those parts of yourself. It was at first hard to read but by the end, it all made sense. I want to re-read it now. It truly has changed my whole outlook and brought a level of clarity that I have never known! Thank you Richard Schwartz, you are brilliant!!!!

book came in new condition. working well with therapy sessions.

and helps one be aware of themselves first

IFS therapy has been a game changer in my therapy. I have spent years trying to heal from my childhood trauma but nothing worked like IFS.

Right from the introduction, this made sense & was super helpful. I have been studying Internal Family Systems for a while so I already know theory/concept. Don't know if someone without that would be at a disadvantage but the author does explain it. Lots on Youtube about IFS if background needed.I am working on my own parts & using some of this model as a therapist.The very notion of rethinking our cultural expectations of intimate (& other) relationships is the start of healing & growth. This is the book to guide you to do that. Cant recommend it enough….. now if I could only get on to an IFS level 1 training, but thats another story 😆

I've have only just started reading this book and discovered that there are a few pages missing at the start and about ten pages duplicated shortly thereafter.

Traditional couples books I have found superficial compared to this IFS approach. I think everyone would benefit from reading this single or in a relationship.

I found this a vital and valuable guide to self-responsibility primarily it my own interactions (with others and my own parts) as well as for my work with others.My main gripe is I found the use of gendered pronouns distracting and unnecessarily hetero-normative. Easy alternatives could be “your partner”, “s/he”, “they/them” etc.Aside from that, I found it full of insightful observations and case studies and imagine it could be useful for the lay reader and therapist alike.

so good l keep letting others borrow it and then wish l had it back