I Suck at Girls Kindle Edition

Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's  I Suck at Girls  to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes to that one particular person who he knows will tell him, direct and to the point, what he thinks: his dad, Sam. Amanda wants to talk to him, and Justin isn't sure what to do. He wants his dad to shoot straight with him, though his father has a frequent habit of going slightly off topic, as found in this sage advice:"Human beings do dumb s__t. You do dumb s__t. She does dumb s__t. Everyone does dumb s__t. Then, every once in a while, we have a moment where we don't do dumb s__t, and then we throw a goddamned parade and we forget all the dumb s__t we did. So what I'm saying to you is, don't do something, or not do something, to punish someone because you think they did something dumb. Do what you want to do, because it's what you want to do. Also, bring me a grapefruit from the kitchen and some salt and pepper."First time readers may be jolted with the frequently profane dialogue issued forth by Justin's eloquent father, who has his own way of expressing himself. Readers of Halpern's earlier book,  S__t My Dad Says , will not find this surprising in the least. And fans of this earlier work will not be disappointed with Justin's odyssey.Unsurprisingly, his father doesn't mince words in the least, and this book is a collection of some of those lessons learned in his quest to learn better in his dealings with the females of the species. And some of these are personal reflections, such as this:"Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, `I have to have a Toyota Camry.' But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. `It's pretty reliable,' they think. `It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.'"Like many, this reader first became aware of the frequently expletive-laden comments issued by Justin's expressive father from his Twitter feed a few years ago. The author had been recording his father's voluble gems there, and in a little over a year he had over two million following those irreverent, other hilarious and sometimes thought-provoking words of his father. This of course resulted in his first book, published in 2010, which hit the New York Times Best Seller list for hardcover nonfiction, enduring at #1 for eleven weeks. It stayed on the bestseller list for almost a year.This book is filled with similar moments to Halpern's first one, and the descriptions of some of his adventures left me laughing openly. Again no spoilers, but look for the chapter in which he describes in finding a stash of hidden adult magazines, grabbing them and being pursued by "two bearded homeless men, each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky." That description was enough to get me laughing, but the narrative of what follows with his father is even better, and it did provoke even more open laughter.His encounter with Sarah, with the accompaniment of a rented copy of "A Few Good Men" is a classic. It's one that many males can reflectively empathize with, and that chapter alone is worth the price of this book.The language found in both of Halpern's books might be distasteful to some readers, but in this one there's some real heart in the advice that Justin's father offers his son. It may not be the type of obscenities that many of us would interject our own advice to our kids, but this parent can say that upon occasion I thought of some of them.As his dad says: "Any idiot can get lucky once. Takes a special idiot to get lucky twice."There is wisdom in that parental admonition, and that's what makes this 5-star read so good. See for yourself - you won't be disappointed.5/29/2012

This is yet another book in which Halpern channels his father and makes the reader wonder just how Halpern made it through his childhood with someone who talks like they're part of the cast of "The Sopranos". Halpern must have a steely constitution, emotionally speaking.It was an intriguing read, in that Halpern does what DR. PHIL would call "a relationship autopsy" on each 'relationship' he has had since he was a child. He does suck at girls. (We can thank his parents' relationship for that.) I think the stories are more about his dad's take on the [scant] relationships he has than Justin's. Having very little experience dating or in relationships, he finds himself trying to figure out if he wants to marry the girl he's broken up with (usually NOT a good plan). It's entertaining, it made me laugh in some places, but I wondered how much of Halpern's issue was really feeling crummy about himself because of his verbally abusive and very caustic father-not to mention his half-brothers who also took many a dig at him as he grew up. I think Halpern just wants someone to love him, get him, and be nice to him...thus, he decides to marry the one person who was these things to him (the fiancee).I read it in less than 2 hours. I don't think I will read it ever again. I find Halpern's father to be a brute, a person who reminds me way too much of my abusive ex-husband who was a disturbingly rude and hateful person. (That's how he became an EX-husband.)I know that fathers are the pattern by which young men are to build themselves; I hope in Justin Halpern's case he found other worthy father figures to guide him through the pitfalls of manhood. His father's "bull in a china shop" approach just made me feel awful-his voice, as I heard it in my head- was like gravel on a chainsaw blade.Apparently, growing up in this environment pushed him to do...something. Halpern has done something right-this is his second book, although I doubt it will play as well as "Sh!t My Father Says". Carry on then, Halpern. I hope you can find things to write about AFTER your father passes on that don't involve the entire lexicon of curse words, cliched insults and general nastiness.I would not recommend this book, unless the person reading it was very thick-skinned. I thought I was thick-skinned, but I cringed a lot during this book, feeling sorry for the kid who sucked at girls.

I really enjoyed this book. The little stories Justin Halpern tells to outline his terrible history with women are entertaining and sometimes fall on the floor hilarious. This is a great follow up to his first book S*** My Dad Says. I love the straight forward and yet, confusing answers his father provided him as he grew up dealing with girls.The only thing I wished would have been in this book was the quotes at the end of each chapter. In his first book after every chapter there were four or five quotes from his Dad relating to what the chapter was about. I looked forward to these because they were some of the funniest parts of the book. Still, even with those missing this was a really fun read. Do keep in mind that this is written from a man's perspective. This means that some of the jokes might be childish and crude. My wife read this and liked it but she didn't find it as funny as I did. There were things I could relate to when he talked about his neurotic fears about girls and women that made these situations funnier for me. I was not very good with girls early on either and a lot of his insecurities I shared so there was that connection for me that made this more enjoyable. I am still shocked that my wonderful wife married me.This was a very fast easy read for me and fit perfectly into what I wanted to read right now. I would recommend this to anyone looking for a lighthearted fun read. It is very funny, but not as good as his first book. Still a solid 4 star book and I am glad I read it. It he ever writes another book I am sure I will read that one as well. I do like his writing style and reading about what his dad has to say on different matters.

Clearly, riding on the back of the big wave of his previous book caused the author to dream. Well, the only amusing aspects of this book are the rare, but much anticipated, lines from his old man. Without his dad making the odd appearance through a handful of lines, this book would have been dull as dishwater.

Buy his books don't bother with this

This is one of those "I laughed in public and people looked at me weirdly" books. It's brilliant from start to end, and you can't help but suggest it to friends and family.

As good as the first one, it is very good to see that Justin is not sleeping on his (dad's) glory, but takes the challenge to be a comic writer further.

Arrived on time. Just as described.. thank you