Beowulf

Ah, Beowulf. The oldest piece of English literature. A vivid, compelling poem about the clash of man and monster, with subtext about the triumph of Christianity over the old pagan religions.With that in mind... how about the story as a post-apocalyptic wangstfest with lots of female nudity?Yes, some genius decided that the tale of a superhuman hero going up against a grotesque monstrosity to save a kingdom needed some Mad Max injected into it. And while the idea itself is not inherently bad, everything about the execution can be used in a "How Not To" guide -- it's a foul, muddy, overcomplicated mess that tries to dazzle us with rubber monsters, ridiculous weaponry, and a string of soap-opera subplots that don't really relate to anything in the main plot.The mysterious warrior Beowulf (Christopher Lambert) rescues a young girl from a bunch of savages who want to sacrifice her, in order to exorcise the evil that is plaguing the cartoonish-looking castle of King Hrothgar (Oliver Cotton). But she runs back and gets killed, because she considers it a better fate than facing whatever horrors are waiting in the castle. Intrigued, Beowulf heads right to the castle to find out what is going on, and receives the best news possible: a monster named Grendel is coming to the castle every night, and killing people.Hrothgar welcomes him warmly, since Beowulf is the only one who can kill Grendel. But others aren't so welcoming: his daughter Kyra (Rhona Mitra) believes Beowulf is representing her dead husband's family, and the powerful knight Roland (Götz Otto) thinks Beowulf is a rival for Kyra's affections. Yes, we have terrible soapy subplots in this story, and none of them add up to anything.Of course, it takes Beowulf awhile to come up with a way of killing Grendel, since the demon-creature's power is enough to wound even him. And in the meantime, Hrothgar is having strange memory-dreams of a seductive seminude woman (who looks like a refugee from a 1980s softcore-porn music video) whose presence is tied to his wife's death many years ago. When Beowulf seemingly kills Grendel, that woman's dark power threatens everyone in the castle -- and the only one who can stop her is Beowulf.A sci-fi version of "Beowulf" is not a bad idea -- just look at the movie "Outlander," which dabbled in just that idea. Neither are some of the other ideas, like a love interest for Beowulf or a post-apocalyptic setting. But this "Beowulf" is a complete disaster that squanders every possibility its setting and genre open up -- the setting could have made Grendel into a grotesque mutant abomination, or an alien creature feeding on human beings. Instead, they stick with safe territory: ancient demons that don't match the sci-fi setting,The main additions to this story are the obnoxious soap-opera subplots -- Roland's rivalry with Beowulf, Kyra's murdered husband, and Grendel's parentage. None of these has any real relevance to the main story. And of course, they tried to throw in some sexy twists on the tale by depicting Grendel's mom as a succubus rather than a monster.But even if the story weren't overloaded with miscellaneous subplots, the script is still a massive stinker, with long stretches of Beowulf just hanging around saying pretentiously emo stuff about how dark and tormented he is ("Only an idiot would want to come to this damn place." "Unless he was already damned"). The attempts to be gritty and dark merely make this setting grimy, dim and mucky, so that you don't much care if this bleak, miserable band of people end up surviving.The costumes range from decent (Beowulf's worn leather getup) to the silly (horned helmets, see-through dresses, Hrothgar's eyeless mask), and the weapons are just hilariously bad. Hrothgar's sword is a giant saw blade with no point (much like the movie) and Beowulf dual-wields tiny crossbows and throwing axes, both of which are useless once he's used them a single time. And no matter how hard Lambert tries, tiny crossbows are never cool-looking.And as a side note, the soundtrack is absolutely awful. Admittedly scoring it entirely with electronic and industrial music is a bold choice, but it's poorly chosen -- Grendel's killing spree and a funeral are scored with peppy, blippy electronica.Lambert is absolutely lifeless as Beowulf, but admittedly he's playing a character with less dimension than a paper doll -- Beowulf spends all his time wangsting about how evil and dark and brooding he is. I'd say that it's in order to get into Kyra's pants, but Lambert and Mitra have the chemistry of a pair of coma patients. Otto mostly shows anger through making kissy-lips, but sadly his character is the most developed in the entire movie, despite being shelved as the "love rival." Cotton is the only actor who seems to be doing well as a grizzled, regretful king.And a special mention must be given to Layla Roberts, a former Playmate who does little but lick Hrothgar's nose and writhe around wearing transparent netting. She is so mesmerizingly bad that she manages to make the laughable dialogue BORING ("Do your loins at this moment, at this moment of death, do they burn for me?").If you need a sci-fi version of the Old English poem, try "Outlander." This post-apocalyptic "Beowulf" is a mess in every way that matters, except perhaps as fare for a riffing party. Even Lambert's coolness can't break through the murky, muddy funk.

Think Beowulf plot set in a post apocalyptic MadMax style world, with a sort of steampunk vibe, with some planescape and a touch of Diablo 2 for the monsters, and there you have it. This should have been a negative, but there's something so weird about it, it came out enjoyable entertainment. There are a few things I had to get around, the strangeness and the out of place music though the disharmony of the surrounds and the music created discomfort which added to the overall successful as an art piece. The setting was very artistic. In all, this movie was like one of those strange sandwiches we all made as a kid, if you can get around the weird mix of components, the taste really works...

Love this movie

What did I even watch? The soundtrack is ridiculous. A lot of strange anachronisms, a lot of really intense sex scenes (They are not good, just... a lot to handle.)It was a blast.

a motion picture based on the classic saxon poem. christofer labert is beowulf, a lone warrior contracted to kill a demon feeding on lone outpost under siege. i was realy suprised to see how well this independant film did, its one of my favorites. spending most of its money on casting Lambert. this films special effects are mostly makeup with a small FX scene. it was very good on keeping the story and also remaking it into a film. i was very happy when it was released in the US on dvd. i first saw it at a rental store in england. its fun film, so go check it out.

This version of Beowulf was a sexed up, hyped up version. They had modern technology mixed up with medieval technology. It was suspenseful, acting was good, set / monsters were OK, good fighting scenes, but the production / development was not good. The music was a retro-techno conglomeration like you would have heard in those cheap movies of the 80s. Lambert made an excellent Beowulf though, it's a shame the production was lacking in storyline quality. The sound was often so low that I had to turn on the caption option to understand what was being said.

DVD- version Extras, non existent. Bought movie for laughs, cheese and ham. That's all.Cheese-ball, crazy, insane and laugh out loud shenanigans? yes please! Do not take this movie seriously. Ham is seriously in the fist, beating you 3-ways to Sunday and all I can do is whisper, please, sir; can I have some more?" I love Christopher Lambert. So stoic, serious and sarcastic. More back flips in a climactic fight scene, than I have ever seen in another movie. This is B- movie GOLD!!!! Other movies like it, if you want to compare or watch something else.Evil Dead II ( 80's, Bruce Campbell )Mario Brothers ( Dennis Hopper )

This movie gets 4 stars only because of the inclusion of Rhona Mirta, one of the hottest woman alive! Otherwise, this movie would get 2 stars. This movie is basically a recasting of the tale "Beowulf" in some kind of weird, crappy future that's regressed into the past. Crazy, industrial looking structures abound, hampered by what was obviously a low, low budget. Mirta, you deserve so much more! Some of the sword fighting scenes are entertaining, and as Lambert provides his typical B-movie acting. Most of the time, I rooted for Grendel to kill everyone, the more quickly the better.

This is an entertaining romp of a film, with dark spots and some great action. I've been a big fan of Christopher Lambert since Highlander and this film had a similar feel of surreality and fantasy. The CGI special effects are of their time, so don't hold up against modern CGI, but they're not completely terrible. Not exactly a classic, but an enjoyable watch.

I admit this movie is very cornie. But the chick in this movie is the main character from Doomsday (2008). This movie is a mix of medival torture weapons with some very cool gadgets added. People die left right and centre. Very cool swords - the kings sword for example is massive like clouds from final fantasy 7 but he never uses it once - just carry's the heavy thing about like a hangbag. Good for a few laughs - i.e at the beginning about 20 men get killed just for trying to kill a possesed woman. Christopher lambert is like the energiser buny in this movie - sommersaults here there and everywhere. Respect to the man. At the end they all live happily ever after with the occasional demon lost on the way to the pub.

i enjoyed this film and as promised it also had an english language option, unfortunately this also included german subtitles which i tried every which way to turn off but to no avail. if this doesent bother you then buy the film it is worth watching if only for the cool weapons. christopher lambert still has the mean moodiness he is famed for but still cant crack a joke very convincingly. all in all a good beer and pizza movie, well worth a look.

Dit is een regio 2 dvd.Die niet voldoet gezien er geen ondertitels zijn voor alle aangesloten landen.Normaal mag dit niet

Das Menü dieser DVD gliedert sich in Hauptfilm, Kapitel, Trailer (6 Stück), Extras, Sprachen/Ton, Fortfahren. Der Hauptfilm hat eine Spieldauer von ca. 89 Minuten, neben Christopher Lambert sind u. a. noch Rhona Mitra, Götz Otto, Layla Roberts und Patricia Velasquez (Die Mumie 1 & 2) zu sehen.Was soll man zu diesem Streifen bloß sagen? Am besten haben mir noch die Sequenzen mit Layla Roberts und vor allem Rhona Mitra (ein echter Hingucker!) gefallen - der Rest (u. a. die Story) ist bestenfalls Durchschnitt.Das Bonusmaterial (neben den Trailern, s. o.) ist unter dem Punkt "Extras" zu finden und beinhaltet ein "Making Of" (im O-Ton, ohne UT) sowie den "Trailer Beowulf" (auf Deutsch) mit einer Gesamtspieldauer von ca. 37 Minuten - ein für diese Disc angemessener Umfang.