Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage Hardcover – January 5, 2010

I first added this book to my to-read list in April 2012. I didn't actually pick it up until December 2013, and I am very glad I waited until then. You see, on November 29, 2013, my boyfriend proposed to me. Having just accepted his proposal made me an unusually receptive audience for this book.This book ignited numerous conversations between me and my fiance. We talked about how to behave in such a way that reduces the risk of temptation from others, how to split household chores and incomes in such a way to increase our happiness and chances of success and stability, how we would balance our careers with the demands of a newborn. We talked about what marriage meant to different people, and how it varied depending on a person's culture and value system. I read the whole passage on the profile of what couple was statistically least and most likely to divorce.That is why I gave this book five stars. It made me ponder my own situation and discuss it with my partner, and while it certainly isn't a primer on marriage, it made me feel like I have a better idea of what I'm getting myself into and the things to watch out for.While I read the majority of this book silently to myself, there were passages that I read aloud to my fiance, and, if I asked nicely, he sometimes agreed to read it out loud to me. When he was reading, I sometimes got confused between the words Gilbert had written down and occasional commentary of his own, because Gilbert writes in such a conversational tone! Not sure if everyone likes that, but I did. Since sizable chunks of this book were essentially research findings, her conversational tone made the book much more readable.I also really admired her ability to be so forthcoming with her own faults. She even goes so far as to list her top five biggest personality flaws! She is very intimate with her reader audience. Not only do I greatly respect that, but I think it encourages the reader to take a very honest look at him or herself as well. It certainly inspired me to do so: I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my fiance where we both discussed our flaws and shortcomings, and how to overcome them as a couple.The ending of her book kind of made me roll my eyes, because after chapters and chapters of her going into all her misgivings about marriage, she included a final chapter that expounds on one small thought on marriage that she found encouraging. She seemed to be trying to end on a positive note, but it just seemed like she was grasping at straws. And right when I was literally, physically rolling my eyes, I read this line "Do I sound like I'm trying to talk myself into something here? People, I am trying to talk myself into something here."Which, by the way, brings me to an interesting side note: While the book is listed on Goodreads with the subtitle "A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage," the book I bought from Amazon had the subtitle "A Love Story" (and a much uglier cover). I believe the subtitle was changed for later versions of this book, because the original one wasn't entirely accurate. I certainly would not go so far as to say that Elizabeth Gilbert had made peace with the institution by the end of the book. On the other hand, this book is much more than a simple love story, as this book explores marriage across cultures and history, rather than focusing only on a single story.Gilbert's ultimate conclusion is not one of sunshine and roses, it's a much more subdued conclusion that marriage can be terribly risky and involves a great deal of sacrifice, but sometimes, it's your best option. If that sounds like a crappy book to you, you probably shouldn't read this. But if you're open to hearing why marriage can be disadvantageous to a woman, why getting married for love instantly makes your marriage more likely to fail, and what warning signs to watch out for, then you'll get something out of this book. Personally, I suspect that the information I have imbibed from this book will influence my thoughts and actions for years to come.

As a newlywed, I found myself struggling with my new role as a wife. What does it mean to be a wife? What does it mean to be married? What have I done in getting married?I'm not clueless. I'd been in a happy relationship with my hubbie for several years prior to getting married. And, over the course of my life, I read alot of books on marriage and relationships well before I married, self-help addict that I am. Its just that I suddenly felt very constrained by my commitment - like I'd lost all my independence and the freedom to create any life I wanted for myself. And, I was quite conflicted about these feelings given my love for my great husband. I was also surprised by them.Having read Eat, Pray, Love and loved it, I thought I would get something out of this book. And what a SOMETHING it was!Through Gilbert's exploration of marriage in history, in other cultures, in previous generations of her own family, she comes to the conclusion that marriage can be whatever you make it. And, in her interviews of married women throughout her research, she found that although some felt they had lost one path in life, most were quite happy with the one they had gained. The specific examples she gives and the insights she shares are just the ones I needed to hear.The book empowered me to view my marriage with fresh eyes. It was a liberating relief.What's more - I was intrigued by a reference she made to a book called "America's Love Lab" and am now enjoying reading that.I'd love to read a book by Ms. Gilbert about her first year as a married woman.

And guess what? That doesn't make it a poor book only a different one. Can everyone who read Eat, Pray, Love and are considering reading this one please understand this one point? Look, if you're anything like me and love books you'll invariably find authors every once in awhile that resonate or appeal to you. Very often when this happens I'm apt to look a little more into their background to find out where they're coming from. This is always an interesting exercise and in the case of Miss Gilbert her background as a magazine writer, mostly for men's magazines informs her style. Thus Last American Man was written very much as a reportage of what she saw. Eat, Pray, Love recounted her adventures in finding herself after a difficult relationship and divorce. For those expecting another such book I think it's a little unreasonable to expect Miss Gilbert to be revisiting something she's presumably resolved.Committed is the natural extension of this journey as she finds a man, falls in love and begins quite naturally to question all that we as a culture heap on the concept of marriage and being committed.Having reached middle age and lived her life up to this point largely as a single woman she brings to the examination a more mature and balanced viewpoint than is currently popular in so many reality shows which continue to belabor the old canard of a "fairy tale romance". Not that these don't exist but romance and marriage just like infatuation and love are all very different things and Miss Gilbert deftly addresses these along with many of the cultural trappings that surround the institution of marriage. Hers is a fairly thorough but never tedious overview of how different cultures define male and female roles, expectations and dynamics not only today but through history. The issue of children, to have or not have them is one that many couples should read before embarking on yet another commitment all on its own!All in all a very interesting read, an active reflection by a woman who is facing a choice many of us make or have made at early stages of our lives but who now looks at them through more mature and dare I say more sober eyes. Are some of her views unorthodox? In some cases 'yes' but that's precisely what makes them refreshing. My wife and I read it together finding it raised many interesting topics for discussion. I would recommend Committed to anyone who's in a relationship, married or not. A book worth reading is one that hopefully raises challenging issues - Committed is one of those books.