Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic

This book was a complete life saver! I have a 3 1/2 year old and really needed someone to tell me that what I knew about my son was valid and things just were different for him. I even emailed the author to thank her (and she emailed back)! Here is my letter to her to help those considering buying this book understand how wonderful it is for a parent of a spirited child:For the longest time, practically since he was born, I felt like a failure as a mother. It wasn't until I read your spirited child book did I FINALLY feel like someone understood. When I began your book, I spend days crying as I read it, describing everything to my husband, mother, and best friend. It was unbelieveable that someone explained my child but made me see him in a completely different light. If you could see my book, you would see that I practically have every other page earmarked. I plan to read it a second time and highlight again what is most helpful. I truly consider it my parenting Bible.While reading your book, I finally felt that I wasn't such an evil mother. In fact, it felt so wonderful to hear that it was understandable that I, a spirited adult (and child too), would react in a particular manner. For the first time, I don't feel so much anger or embarrassment for my son's spirited behavior. While I knew he had so much of my personality and while I knew there were so many good qualities about him, it was difficult to not get upset when he just wasn't like the children of any of my friends or those at his preschool. And, while I was a spirited child, I didn't react as strongly as my son does now, at least not in public and not until I was older, where I could control my emotions a bit more. This was another reason I had a hard time understanding my son and being patient, despite my efforts at trying. It got to a point where I felt that my fuse was extremely short and I was only doing harm to my relationship with my son(not physical but there were times I felt I was just getting so upset with him, especially when his tantrums were out of this world.)Now though, while there are some days where I still get extremely frustrated and upset, I feel proud to have a spirited child. I have learned to create a 'yes' environment and this has helped our situation tremendously. I am proud to have a sensitive, determined, and persistent child. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving my family and my relationship with my son. I truly am forever indebted to you.

I really love this! It does not give a detailed step by step of what you should do and I didnt expect it to because every child is different and its goi ng to take some trial and error to figure out exactly what your child needs at that stage of their life but at least this book puts you in the right direction. I have two daughters my oldest was an easy baby, the tried and true parenting advice that is so mainstream worked well for her and everyone complimented me on how well behaved she was/is. Then came our youngest daughter, the very definition of a spirited child, for 2 years I have tried all of the techniques that I thought I should, all of the things that had worked with her sister and seemingly(if you read almost every parenting article out there) worked for every one elses kids. Time outs, crying it out ect ect. none of those things worked for her. Forcing her to "Cry it out" would lead to hours of unrelenting screaming being excessively strict led to her challenging us more and more.I had been trying to get her to sleep on her own for a year and a half and still it was an up and down fight every night, her screaming me getting frustrated and yelling, her crying and me feeling upset all-night-long until exhaustion took her. Finally one night as I lay in bed listening to her scream her protests "NO GO TO BED" I gave up....I said to myself "she isn't like her sister, I have to stop trying to use the techniques on her that worked for her sister before.....there has to be a different way"So I did my research, I looked up forums, I Googled "challenging children" the whole nine yards, every where I went there was some reference to this book. I am going to say that is it one of the best purchases I ever made. Its not a one day miracle cure all, trust me it still takes some hard work and dedication(but us parents of 'spirited' children are used to that!). Its been a couple a month and I focused most of my attention on the sleep chapter, she is now sleeping through the night, with VERY little protest at bed time. I couldnt be happier, I am sleeping better, she is sleeping better and overall her attitude is better during the daytime because of that. I still have alot to learn and try but we are off to a great start.

UPDATE: My son is now 21--who I mention in my first review who was 12 then--and my "newborn" daughter is now 19 and away at college! (I cannot believe I first read this book 19 years ago!) And, guess what? I am **STILL** recommending it to folks with small children! I just wish that there was a Kindle version or-- AUDIO version?!?!?! WOO HOO!--when I first discovered this book! If you have a child who's exasperating, but you know those personality traits will be excellent as an adult, then this book is a Must Read.This was a total eye opener when I originally purchased this book 10 years ago! (My son was 2 and my daughter was a newborn!)I've since recommended it and loaned it out so many times that my copy didn't come back the last time! (And I can't remember who has it now!) I both laughed & cried while reading it and I finished it in 1 night (newborn-remember?)It really helped both my husband and me see what WE were doing differently--not necessarily "wrong", just not RIGHT for our son--and WE made changes. (Note to the person who wrote "this book had no tips we could use": read it again & remember you're the parent who needs to guide the child.) We realized simple things--we shouldn't have taken him on numerous errands at the end of his day or WE paid for it (our son doesn't handle ANY change well and he still doesn't--he's 12 now!) We've had to teach HIM how to handle difficult situations. I'm now going to read it again to help with the preteen years for both of my children!

For years I've tried to make the glares, comments, and criticism from strangers, friends, and family about my child's behaviour roll off my back. Separation anxiety, sleeplessness, fear of pooping, public meltdowns, violent tantrums (ever been clocked by a three-year-old girl? Ouch.), needing to be held and carried constantly, seemingly excessive nursing, preferring to be naked, forgetting to eat, refusing to sit still. I've stood my ground about not crying it out, about not pushing to toilet train her (FYI: one day she just decided to wear panties and that was it), not forcing her to eat at the dinner table, and insisting on the family bed.Sound familiar to you? It's been a lonely haul, it's tried my relationships -- but, finally, after reading this book I've realized that I'm not alone, my daughter is not all that unusual (falls well within the range of normal, is the term used in the book), and trusting my instincts about what my kiddo needed is the best thing for her. Raising Your Spirited Child celebrates our challenging kids and offers parents affirmation and hope.The book teaches you to view seemingly negative traits in a positive way: stubborn is determined. Annoying is persistent. Kids who dawdle are perceptive. Introverted or extroverted are not good or bad, they just "are", and it's hardwired. And if you didn't have an inkling yourself: spirited kids are often ahead of the curve. More articulate. More imaginative. More fun (along with being more of a pain in the tush ;) )For those reviewers who found few concrete steps to take with your spirited child, I would agree: there is no specific to-do list included in the book. Instead, the suggestions are interspersed throughout the book and tend to be more touchy-feely and qualitative; listen, understand, anticipate, have patience. "Tried and true" discipline is ineffective and often makes matters worse -- be creative and flexible. Reward charts are pointless -- the kid needs to decide for herself and no external motivation will help. I would recommend the Spirited Child workbook; there's also a similar PDF available at southaustinapi dot org under Topic Handouts.For nursing moms who wonder "When will it ever end??" -- the author doesn't go into weaning methods. Other sources I've turned to (LLL, Attachment Parenting, KellyMom) all confirm that breastfed spirited kids, if not forcibly weaned (mom goes on vacation, inlaws move in to help dad) will continue to nurse well beyond three years. It's simply the easiest way to soothe your kid, and try your best to ignore the criticism from society, family, and friends. It's exhausting, and nursing a 3yo in a bathroom stall sucks, but you aren't alone. Knowing that has been enough for me.Also, I recommend always having some of the following in your bag: mini size playdoh, mini size blow bubbles, a small slinky, or crayons and a notepad; and to not be embarrassed about ditching your grocery cart or doing a silly dance (seriously, just do a silly dance or pull Groucho glasses out of your purse) and getting your about-to-meltdown kid out of the store asap. Being prepared and not worrying about what other people think has helped me diffuse many meltdowns. Oh, and reread the book again and again. And again.

At 3 months old my daughter's pediatrician recommended I take a personality assessment for my little one after I was stressed about her colic, lack of sleep and inconsistent eating/sleeping patterns. This was not an easy baby, it was my first, and I had very little child experience as I was the youngest who hated babysitting other kids. The assessment came back "spirited" which was a nice word, it made me think of a colt who has not been broken yet and is spirited throwing it's head and kicking it's legs. I read the "happiest baby/toddler" books, which are wonderful, but Dr Harvy's tips don't always work for all children. As my daughter got older I did a search on Amazon for "parenting tips for spirited kids" and found this book. At first I was skeptical so I borrowed the book from the library. I voraciously ate up the pages, they were so informative and resounded so true! A lot of the tips are for older children who you can actually talk to, which is going to be very helpful as my daughter gets older so I bought the book and the workbook. I expect to use the book for many years to come. There are not a lot of tips for the under 3 year olds (mine is 19 months) but these are one of those subjects you want to be familiar with BEFORE there are problems so that you can see them sneaking up on you and nip them before they bloom. I recommend you buy it and read even for younger children. For example, sleep: at any stage of development protecting your child's sleep schedule is important but for a Spirited child it is crucial. I have also learned from this book to help my daughter with transitions before we move onto something else and we have circumvented many tantrums with this tactic. I am so looking forward to watching my perceptive, energetic, FUN little girl grow into a person who is just MORE, and I am so thankful for Kurcinka who has put her time and energy into creating this guide for us.

I read maybe 15 pages of this book before bursting into tears of relief. At 16 months old, my son has never been easygoing or mellow, but as he entered toddlerhood, I felt like I was failing as a mom because I couldn't control him. I didn't understand why other kids napped for hours, slept through the night at 6 months old, and adjusted quickly to new experiences, while my son still wakes up several times a night, rarely naps for more than an hour a day, and shrieked in rage when he had to start wearing shoes or when he didn't like how his socks felt. Other books recommended a stern, inflexible parenting approach that just resulted in MORE meltdowns, MORE stress, and MORE frustration. Did I mention that "cry it out" was an unmitigated disaster in our house?Finally, this book validated him, and my husband and me. He's not "bad", we're not failing as parents. He's just more intense, more perceptive, and more sensitive. It takes different strategies for us to be successful and calm than for parents of more relaxed children, but the book really focuses on how to do that, how to help our child be successful with daily life. There are many different levels to any given "spirited child", so this book's scope is not limited to a high-energy kid. Introverts vs. extroverts, energy levels, sensitivity, and so much more are covered in depth. This is not a book about excusing poor behavior, though. The parent is absolutely still the one in charge and still has to work with the child to ensure that they can be spirited and still be productive, safe, and enjoyable members of their family.If you feel like you're constantly battling it out with your child, that you've lost control, and/or that your child is running you ragged, I highly recommend this book. Oh, you'll probably learn a few things about yourself, as well.

I bought this book over thirty years ago. I used it with my own child and passed around to various friends whose kids are just "more". I repurchased this for my amazing, highly spirited granddaughter. The beauty of this book is in its positive approach in creating success with children for whom the world is not ready. It also gives encouragement to parents who need to understand and embrace their beautiful, but challenging children.

There were very nice point the book was referring to. But it is more like a novel than a parenting book. The author has written a novel, she is too talkative and takes for ever to say something. The whole page 240 could be summarized in one sentence. Examples are ok and at times necessary to clarify a point, but she is constantly telling stories. Not examples. Once one elaborates too much, it turn to stories! Way too wordy for me. Unfortunately I could not pass page 240 :( . I hope the author will consider editing her book, for she has good points.

To all parents of spirited kids. If you - much like me - have been desperate and looking for understanding why everything you try does not seem to work on your kid: Just read this book. It was the fifth of such educational books that I have read. Even though the others did learn me a thing or two too, 'Raising your spirited kid' totally helped me UNDERSTAND my child and taught me a TON of things. It will bring you confidence too. The style is very good and the chapters are clear with nice summaries at the end! Mostly it reads like a novel without being paternalistic. It's a shame it is not translated in other languages yet (or at least I could not find) because I would love to give it to many of my child's teachers. It's also often about using the correct vocabulary and those parts would be great in my own mother-tongue.

J'ai acheté cet ouvrage après en avoir entendu parler sur des blogs américains.Une fois dépassé les côtés très "américains", ce qui se fait facilement, j'ai trouvé dans cet ouvrage beaucoup de trucs pour améliorer mes réactions et ma panoplie de solutions face au comportement de mon fils que j'avais du mal à comprendre et à cadrer dans notre petite famille.Je l'ai lu petit à petit, et j'y ai trouvé sérénité et optimisme à un moment où je me sentais dépassée. Ce livre ne prône ni le laisser-faire, ni la punition à tout va et m'a permis de recadrer ce que je voulais vraiment atteindre en tant que parent et de mieux comprendre la violence des réactions de mon fils face à ce qui me paraissait un désagrément incroyablement mineur.J'y retourne régulièrement quand j'ai besoin d'un petit coup de boost au moral et quand j'ai du mal à trouver le juste milieu entre intégration de l'enfant dans la vie familiale et respect de son tempérament.

My mother read the first book when I was a teenager and had mentioned before that I am spirited like both my sister and my mom herself. My sister had been to behavior specialists and a neurologist but none of them agreed on what was happening or what to do (migraines, night terrors, different disciplinary methods, etc.). For me it was trial and error of multiple different discipline (for bad behavior) or reward (for good behavior) methods, none of them worked. It lead to a very interesting childhood with my mom not knowing how to handle us.I now have a spirited child of my own and from reading this book it has made all of our lives easier, especially her calm quiet baby sister. We still have some very trying days but the information in this book has lead to less of them and they are much less traumatic!

Worth a read for parents with kids who are super energetic, senstive receptive and intelligent

My younger daughter has such a very different temperament to her older sister - the latter I realise is relatively easygoing and obliging, whilst the younger one is contrary, willful, stubborn, difficult, challenging and and... SPIRITED!I was getting fed up with people (including the father) suggesting that I was pandering to her needs, treating her differently, letting her get away with things - it's true, perhaps I was, but i just knew that she couldn't be dealt with in the same way as my elder daughter, as she reacted so very differently to what seemed like such simple things, often ending in uncontrollable tears, or escalating screaming. I was at my wit's end with how to cope, but on a convoluted cyber path, i came across this book and i haven't looked further.As soon as I received it, I read the book from cover to cover - it was like I had found a soulmate on this matter. The more I read, the more I found myself recognising behaviour and situations we had found ourselves in - it resonated more than anything I'd come across until then, and since then. It offered explanations, case studies and, importantly, possible solutions - not definitive answers, but things that could help. And how they have helped, from mealtimes to social behaviour, bedtimes to props, this book has helped us to crack so much of what was before such a mystery.I found the section on Introvert vs Extrovert particularly enlightening, as it taught us not only that our spirited daughter is an introvert in terms of how she recharges her energy levels (ie. requiring space and time alone to potter and play - which hitherto hadn't much happened what with school, park playtimes and a sister always around), whilst the older sister came out as a clear extrovert (requiring company of others to recharge her batteries - which explained why she often seemed to be winding up her sister as she'd bug her to play together or always wanted to do stuff with us - not a personal space invader, just someone who loves and needs company). I'd just never thought of it in these terms, but now we accommodate their introvert/extrovert needs into our day to day, as well as occasions, and more importantly, we tolerate their relative behaviours much better.I now keep the book by my bed as my ultimate reference book on my subject of how to deal with my younger daughter. I have cited so many success stories from using the book to both husband and grandparents, that they too have come around to the fact that it is OK to take on board the very different personalities, temperaments, behaviours etc that our 2 daughters have, and to treat them or at least communicate with them in different ways where necessary, We don't favour one over the other, but we have learned to pre-empt the reactions of our more spirited child and she is much calmer as a result, which is so much better for her, but of course for all of us too.I have recommended this book to so many people, and I know that they too have been amazed by how poignant, useful and reassuring it has been for their own spirited kids.PS: I must admit, I didn't really like the term 'spirited' (albeit preferable to some of the negative and derogatory adjectives used to describe 'challenging' behaviour), but I could never think of anything better that encapsulates what these amazing creatures are, and so, I have grown to like it!