How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Ah, the parents' condundrum: How to treat children respectfully and also get them to LISTEN? to Cooperate? They are not mini-adults, so they don't think about things the same way we do. It is not my goal to have my children "obey-without-question;" it is my goal to raise critical thinkers! But it is nonetheless essential that children obey without question at times -- with my very young children, 2 and 3 at the time of this review, safety issues in particular are hot buttons.I believe in modeling desired behavior. Being raised in a more authoritarian-styled household, I found myself searching for ways to get children to listen without becoming a spanker, a yeller or a nag, because I think all of those things model negative behavior. But on the flip side, I can't have kids who grab toys or who run in the parking lot or say "no" and run away when it's time to leave.I'd read Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason and liked the general philosophy, but needed actual tactics for real-life scenarios and that's what I found from this book! Simple, concise examples for how to present things objectively and help children learn to assess and make GOOD decisions! Great examples of how to correct without becoming critical or nagging!I constantly receive comments on my children's polite behavior when they interact with other people and other children. They are not perfect, but we continue to work/practice to treat others kindly and respectfully. In my experience, this type of approach yields individuals who are empathetic and compassionate and who are internally-motivated to treat others well instead of doing it because they fear punishment. I think the best way to teach others about respect is by demonstrating respect FOR them, especially in the parent-child relationship where one individual has so much authority over the other. If you agree with that philosophy, then this book has tools that you will use again and again.

I have two kids, one of whom was challenging developmentally. This book gave me the language to work with him so that he could learn to help himself. He has grown into an extremely sensitive pre-teen, a joy to be around.When I was desperate with my children, a friend handed me this book. I'm the kind of person who tends to not like parenting books and I though the comics were stupid looking. Lo and behold, when I started reading this book, it literally changed my life. The telling incident came when I was stuck on the tarmac of an airport. My anxious and antsy child had already been sitting for three hours. The plane, now landed and waiting to taxi for deplaning, was getting hot in the Florida sun. He started to explode. Thanks to this book, I could "talk" to my almost pre-verbal kid. I handed him the barf bag from the seat in front of me and a pen and I said, "I can see you're uncomfortable. Draw me how you feel." And boy did he draw! He could finally express himself. The situation defused instantly and I really understood--and he felt understood.During the visit with his cousins, I used the techniques in the book to help him figure out strategy for dealing with group situation. Over time, I used every technique in the book.After asking permission of parents, I've bought this book and handed it to them, just as my friend handed the book to me.My challenging (and challenged LD child) has grown into a lovely pre-teen, gentle and understood, thanks to the techniques in this book.

HelloI bought this book due to my counselor suggestion. I have a pre teen son and I wanted to improve my communication with him. It was good but it needed some improvements.When I got the book I started reading the book and I loved how well written and the great and pratical examples that the author give us through out the book of the wrong way (which is how most of us communicate with them without knowing) and the right or more efficient way. They also provide exercises to start thinking in the new way which is very easy to acquire.I applied to my son and our communication never been so great, we get into topics that before he would say " I don't want to talk about it..." Now he talks and talks alot about it :-)I also notice that the same techniques can be applied to relationships and even at work. So it is not just limited to children or teenagers.This is a GREAT "How To" book for anyone that wants to improve their communication. I highly recommend it.Neo